TF2 Newbs (Team Fortress 2) Blog

For a minor patch, there’s a lot of nifty new stuff available. TL;DR version first:

1a. Crates #40, #49 and #54 have been retired.

1b. Crates #50 (salvaged), #56 and #57 can now drop (and #55 still does).

2. Seven new promotional items are in the patch. Some are not yet available. Only 1 weapon, and it (probably) functions as a stock weapon.

3. “What’s In The Portal 2 Soundtrack Box?” has been opened, containing a Genuine Ap-Sap.

 

 

1a. Crates #40, #49 and #54 have been retired.

Crate #40 is the salvaged crate that could drop the strange Holiday Punch, Huntsman, Widowmaker, Mantreads, and Sapper. It had been trading at only about 5-6 keys when I last checked TF2 Spreadsheet several days ago.  #49 and #54 feature some strange parts as well as strange weapons. (Crates #51, #52, #53 are Eerie and Winter Crates, and had already been retired at the end of their respective seasons.)

1b. Crates #50, #56 and #57 now drop.

Crate #50 is a salvaged crate, just like #30 and #40, but is currently the only salvaged crate that can drop (assumably very rarely, like the other salvaged crates). You can bet Jurassic Park that if you drop one, people will immediately try to trade you for it; salvaged crates have traded for as much as 15 keys at times, so if you happen to be very, very lucky, be smart about it. Here is what you can get when you open a #50 with a standard Crate Key:

Salvaged Crate #50:

~20% — Strange Bacon Grease: new, what is this?!  (See below.)

~20% — Strange Construction PDA: new, Engineer’s stock device

~20% — Strange Original: new, Soldier primary weapon

~20% — Strange Invis Watch: new, the Spy’s stock cloaking device

~20% — Strange Splendid Screen: new, Demoman’s secondary shield

~1% — A random, Unusual-quality hat

Strange Bacon Grease is a tool item, that can be used once on a Unique (yellow) Frying Pan in your inventory, turning it into a Strange Frying Pan. So… why did they do that, and not just release a Strange Frying Pan? I don’t know why they call this game a “war-themed hat simulator” either, so think about that the next time you have a twenty-one second respawn in Dustbowl. I wonder if it can fry a Strange Egg…?

 

 

Anyway, here are the contents of Crates #56 and #57:

 Crate #56:

~20% — Strange Fire Axe: new, Pyro stock melee weapon

~20% — Strange Flying Guillotine: new, Scout secondary weapon

~20% — Strange Beggar’s Bazooka: new, Soldier primary weapon

~10% — Strange Part: Medics Killed

~10% — Strange Part: Tanks Destroyed (in Mann vs. Machine)

~10% — Strange Part: Long-Distance Kills*

~5% — Western Wear: Engineer hat

~5% — Modest Pile of Hat: All-Class hat

~1% — A random, Unusual-quality hat

*Note: It hasn’t been officially released how many Hammer units away would count as a long-distance kill.

Crate #57:

Note: In the next day or two, I will add the percentage chances of finding each item, as researched by the Official TF2 Wiki.

~?% — Strange Fists of Steel: new, Heavy melee weapon

~?% — Strange Neon Annihilator: new, Pyro melee weapon

~?% — Strange Jarate: Sniper secondary weapon

~?% — Paint: Mann Co. Painting Set: new one-use tool (see below)

~?% — Tam O’ Shanter: Demoman hat

~?% — Detective Noir: Spy hat

~1% — A random, Unusual-quality hat

The Mann Co. Painting Set, when used, drops from one to three cans of paint (of random colors, assumably) into your inventory.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

2. Seven new promotional items are in the patch. Some are not yet available.

Wait–what?! That’s right, some of these items do not yet have a way to earn them. I’m sure Gaben & Co. will straighten this out in the next few days or weeks. But here’s what they are:

Wilson Weave: hat slot item for Scout, Demoman, Heavy, Medic, and Engineer.

Not craftable, tradable, or paintable.

One of two Genuine-quality items received when you pre-order Don’t Starve before April 23rd, 2013 (base price $14.99).

Refers to the hair of Wilson, the default character in Don’t Starve.

 

 

 

Ham Shank: melee weapon for all classes except Engineer or Spy.

Not craftable, tradable, or paintable.

One of two Genuine-quality items received when you pre-order Don’t Starve before April 23rd, 2013 (base price $14.99).

No stats are given yet for this weapon, but I would assume that it will do the same as a stock weapon, much like the Memory Maker unlockable melee weapon.

 

 

 

 

 

Bloodhound: hat for the Sniper and Spy.

Tradable, but not craftable or paintable.

(Currently unreleased.)

Had originally been planned to be released as Sam’s Hat from Sam & Max: The Devil’s Playhouse.

 

 

 

 

 

 Dapper Disguise: miscellaneous slot item for the Spy.

Tradable, but not craftable or paintable.

(Currently unreleased.)

References the mask of Handsome Jack from Borderlands 2.

 

 

 

 

 

 

Necronomicrown: hat for the Pyro.

Not craftable, tradable, or paintable.

(Currently unreleased.)

References the hairstyle of Evil Ash from the movie Army of Darkness (1992). Here’s the movie trailer.

 

 

 

 

 

Long Fall Loafers: miscellaneous slot item for the Scout.

Not craftable, tradable, or paintable.

(Currently unreleased.)

Resembles the boots worn by Chell in Portal 2. It’s doubtful that they will have any in-game effect.

 

 

 

 

 

 

Samson Skewer: miscellaneous slot item for the Heavy.

Tradable, but not craftable or paintable.

(Currently unreleased.)

Resembles the Bowie knife used by Brock Sampson in the Adult Swim cartoon The Venture Bros. on Cartoon Network.

 

 

 

 3. “What’s In The Portal 2 Soundtrack Box?” has been opened.

Okay, Obey. This has already been a long post, and now that last sentence doesn’t even make sense.

Yes it does. No it doesn’t.

Yes it does, and quit arguing with me. If you ordered the Portal 2 Soundtrack Box, which is still for sale at Amazon for $13.99 (but not on Steam), you get a Dota 2 invite and a promo code. Then, if you entered the code you got an item in Team Fortress 2 literally named the “What’s In The Portal 2 Soundtrack Box”, and it looks like a present. And you couldn’t open it, until NOW. Ohhhh. So what do you get?

Hang on to your Homewrecker, this will airblast your Wee Booties off. You get a Genuine Ap-Sap, a Sapper slot item for the Spy. It looks like a flattened-out Wheatley core from Portal 2. And. It. Talks. It’s the talkingest damned thing since Shrek’s friend Donkey, chattering whenever you do lots of different Spy things. (It’s tradable, but not craftable. Like any idiot would trade it.) Here’s what they look like:

 

Well, it’s almost 4 AM here, so I’m off to bed.

[N] Obey

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